Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
