I wannas sexs uuuuu
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
