I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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