Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
