i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The best revenge is premature balding
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
