Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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