He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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