Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
