since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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