I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
