woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
