dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
