just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
