Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
