I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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