I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
