from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
