cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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