If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
