you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
