I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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