I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
