you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
