She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
