Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
