he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
