a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I deserve this hangover.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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