My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
