Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
