I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
