I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
