You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
