I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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