Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
