I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
