capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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