It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
