She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
