Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
