The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
