that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
