We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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