i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
