Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
