I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
