Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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