How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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