It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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