apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
