a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
