She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
