Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
