Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
