you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
we're so committed to being not committed
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
