She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
