Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
